Tuesday, September 07, 2004

An accident...left one woman dead.....

That was the line that made it real.

"An accident that police said involved a traffic light in Tamarac Saturday left one woman dead..."

That's what made me realize that it wasn't a dream.

"Geena Torres-Hodgins, 33, of Tamarac, was driving her 1995 Toyota southbound on Nob Hill Road when it collided with a 2002 Chevrolet Suburban heading west on Commercial Boulevard, according to the Broward Sheriff's Office"

That is what made me realize that it was...it is true.

"Torres-Hodgins died Sunday at Broward General Medical Center."

That is the line that made me realize that I won't get a phone call from her ever again.

She is dead.

It will be even more of a reality for me when her parents bring her home this week. It will feel too real. I keep seeing images of her in my head...she is laughing...or sleeping on the couch while watching a movie...or playing handball against her livingroom wall. These are the happy images I see. But then when reality hits I see images of her getting hit by the truck...her lying there bleeding...then I see her hooked up to a ventilator, swollen, bruised, her head bandaged up covering the massave head trauma she received. I see her mother holding her, crying, sobbing in anguish. I see her mother's chiuauha, Maya, digging her little wet nose under Geena's hands trying to get her to pet her...but she isn't. She isn't going to pet you Maya...She isn't going to laugh...She isn't going to sleep during a movie...She isn't going to play handball against the living room wall... She isn't here anymore.

I miss her so much.

I keep struggling between the happy images and the tragic images...My mind melds them together into one streaming image. There are so breaks, no pauses, nothing separated into chapters...It's all one image. But I try to just focus on the happy images...it's hard but I have to. I don't want to always think of her lying limp, hooked up to machines...lifeless....cold...swollen...dead.

I try to remember her happy. I see her smile...beautiful...Radiant...full of life.

That how I must remember her...that how she lived...when she lived..That is how she would want to be remembered.

I love you Geena.

My cousin. My sister. My smile.